1 Couples who enjoy kissing and do it well have healthier relationships
Kissing is one of the most intimate acts we perform as human beings. We kiss to demonstrate affection, to demonstrate desire and to increase desire. Darwin wrote about kissing and kissing-like behaviours. These include rubbing noses, sniffing the other person. Usually we talk about using the lips or face. According to Darwin, the desire to kiss is innate. We are born with this desire.
Take a moment and think about a really good kiss that you experienced. You may remember how the other person smelled. You may remember how he tasted or how her lips felt. Kissing involves so many of our senses. It gives you the opportunity to move in close to your paramour.
In my experience as an intimacy coach and relationship therapist, I have had many people tell me that when problems began in their relationships, they stopped kissing as much or as long or as deeply. Kissing allows you to reconnect with your partner. It is fuel for our erotic desires. Do you apologise with a kiss? Sometimes I will approach my lover for a kiss when I want to bring us back together after a disagreement. Kissing your partner in multiple places on her body is described in many of the greatest written sex manuals, including the Kama Sutra.
2 Your lips can be more alive and responsive than your clitoris or your penis.
There is a plethora of nerve endings in the lips and mouth. Helen Fisher, an anthropologist from Rutgers University believes that kissing most likely evolved to encourage three essential needs: lust, attraction and attachment. Our libido drives us to find sexual partners. Romantic loves drives us to commit to a relationship (or multiple relationships) and attachment keeps us together over the long haul and certainly long enough to have a child.
Kissing releases a number of chemicals including endorphins which lower the perception of pain and increase positive high feelings. Kissing releases oxytocin which is a hormone that promotes trust, bonding and attachment both in yourself and the person you are kissing. It increases intimacy, can create sexual arousal and promote orgasm. Sexual kissing where your mouth is open also allows testosterone to be transferred from a man to his partner and that will raise his partners sex drive.
3 Deep passionate kisses get your juices flowing and are healthy for you.
Deep passionate kisses raise your heart rate and your blood pressure. Kissing can increase your life expectancy by lowering stress levels, burning calories (25 to 26 per 1 minute kiss).
Kissing helps us to choose the ‘right’ mate. When we kiss we take in all sorts of physiological information via pheromones and saliva that may well let us know if the person we are kissing is optimally compatible with us or if she is too closely related to us.
Kissing when you are both healthy can boost your immune system. Deep kissing uses all 34 muscles in the face and so tightens and strengths your facial muscles making you look younger. Kissing also boots your dental health because the saliva you produce when kissing helps to fight plaque build up!
Kissing can help with pain control. The endorphins you produce are more than 200 times stronger than pain killers like morphine and Fentanyl.
4 Kissing predicts relationship satisfaction – especially in men.
A study at the Kinsey Institute for sexual research demonstrated that kissing and cuddling were the most important predictors for a relationship satisfaction. A study at University College London found that men who kiss their partners goodbye before leaving the house have fewer car accidents.
The Kama Sutra, the famous book relating to love according to Hindu law written in the 3rd Century AD, spends an entire chapter on kissing describing four different types of kissing, when and where on the body to kiss your lover and giving some detailed instructions.
Couples who are having problems with staying aroused during sex benefit from focusing on kissing only. I have often told couples to restrict themselves to kissing for a week between sessions and to detail their experiences. Most couples report intense arousal, difficulty keeping to the exercise and sticking to kissing only, higher levels of connection and intimacy and spending far more time together being erotic when restricted to kissing.
5 Kissing increases self-confidence.
When you kiss someone, you are telling him that he is valuable to you, attractive to you and that you want to be intimate with him. All of these messages increase your self-confidence and self-esteem. A recent German study found that men who left home after having a good deep kiss from their wives earned more money.
The same hormones (oxytocin and endorphin) can help boost self-esteem and self-confidence. They don’t just lower physical pain perception they also lower emotional pain perception.
As your kissing prowess increases, your confidence increases because you can see that you are creating intense joy in your partner, increasing her desire and increasing her sexual satisfaction.
I’d love it if you would be part of an experiment with me to see what impact kissing has on the quality of your relationship. I want to look at three types of information.
Step 1: Keep a record of how often you kiss over a week. Note how long you kiss for – are you kissing on the cheek, a quick kiss on the lips, a quick deep kiss, kissing for hours?
Step 2: Describe the types of kisses you have with your lover(s). Feel free to write as much or as little as you like. Are the kisses soft? Hard? Deep? Consuming?
Step 3: Describe how you feel emotionally after kissing. Keep a record of your feelings over the 10 day period and note if you feel closer to your lover(s) after kissing.
Step 4: Deliberately kiss your lover(s) more often over the second week.
Step 5: Describe any difference in feeling and closeness after the second week.
I will ask you to send me your responses via email. I will keep your responses confidential. My results will be anonymous but I will use modified quotes when writing about the results.
To take part, comment below and add your email address to the opt in form.
I look forward to hearing what you think
Dr Lori Beth
Light your fire!