J is for Jealousy and Envy with Rahim Thawer and Dr Lori Bisbey
Jealousy and envy are two of the more difficult emotions that show up when people try to live non-monogamously. Culture teaches us to compare ourselves to others which gives rise to jealousy and envy and to judge our success based on others as well.
I am joined by Rahim Thawer to talk about jealousy and envy this week.
Rahim Thawer is a registered social worker and psychotherapist who is based in Toronto/Tkaronto and currently in Johannesburg as a Visiting Scholar with the South African College for Applied Psychology (SACAP). Through this clinical practice, Rahim provides individual therapy, supervision, and works as a sessional lecturer at the University of Toronto and the University of Waterloo. He is also a community organizer with Salaam Canada–a volunteer-run organization that supports LGBTQ Muslims nationally. His approaches to psychotherapy, teaching, and community development continually consider and examine the intersections of systemic oppression and mental health. Rahim is currently working on multiple books related to LGBTQ mental health; the first of these will be published by Thorntree Press. You can follow his work, including his vodcast called The CBT DIve, in just one click by visiting ladyativan.com
Rahim and I spoke about jealousy and envy with some focus on how it impacts in non-monogamous relationships. We spoke in depth about managing jealousy and envy over the lifespan and the ongoing work that it takes to become emotionally competent and managing these complex emotions in relationships.
Often people think that jealousy and envy are the same. Rahim highlighted that jealousy tends to be between people where envy is more about wanting something another has. Jealousy focuses more on the potential loss of a relationship or negative comparisons of self to the other.