Exploring Polyamory & Non-Monogamy
Polyamory is a topic that many couples seek information on. Often it begins in their primary relationship with discussions around opening up the relationship. Let’s clear a few things up before we go deeper. First, non-monogamy is any relationship that involves more than two people. Non-Monogamy can be with consent or without consent. Without consent, it is called an affair. The most damaging thing about an affair is the deception involved and thankfully, there are options for couples that do not have to include the breaking of trust and vows, we call that non-monogamy WITH consent. Non-monogamy with consent can take many different forms. For some couples, it is a “don’t ask, don’t tell” arrangement that happens when one person is away a lot. For others, it involves threesomes and swinging. The couple invites other people into their relationship and they participate together. Some explore polyamory which is when there are multiple relationships rather than just multiple sexual partners. Again this can take many forms. Couples and individuals come in to explore non-monogamy, to work on issues that arise as a result of non-monogamy and polyamorous relationships. Polyamorous relationship groups also come in for coaching to work on issues arising in the relationships or to set up a good structure to create relationships that are strong and healthy.
I am a good person to work with on exploring polyamory or non-monogamy if any of these fit your situation:
- You want to explore the possibility of consensually non-monogamous relationships
- You are in a monogamous relationship and would like to open it to being non-monogamous with consent.
- You are in a polyamorous relationship and want to work through issues and problems that have arisen
- You don’t want to have to explain polyamory to a therapist or coach
- You want help creating a set of agreements and a structure that works for your relationship(s)
- There has been an affair and you want to heal from it.
- You are monogamous and your partner is polyamorous but you want to stay in a relationship.
Ways to work with me on consensual non-monogamy/polyamory
Group work: run groups just for people looking at non-monogamy or in non-monogamous relationships and I run mixed groups. Group work has the advantage of input from others who have similar life experience and/or are working through the same stages of growth. They are also less expensive than working with me as an individual or couple. Groups require a minimum 6-month commitment.
Polyamory Exploration Group: This group is for individuals who are looking to explore non-monogamous relationships and those in them who want to work on making them run more smoothly. 6-month group for individuals:
Contact me for current dates.
Individuals sessions take place via Zoom for the forseeable future as a result of COVID-19
Individual work: Individuals sessions take place via Zoom for the forseeable future because of COVID-19
Couples sessions: Couples sessions also take place via Zoom.
Couples sessions take place via Zoom. I often see the individuals for at least one session for two reasons: The first is that initially people are often more comfortable talking freely on their own. The second is to see if the individuals have the same goals for the coaching. If you want to work more quickly, intensive work may be a better fit.
Exploring Kink,
Authority Transfer Relationships (BDSM)
Kink refers to any sexual activity that is outside the norm. Some people enjoy specific fetishes like a fetish for rubber or latex. People who enjoy rubber might want a partner to dress in rubber, might want to dress in rubber themselves and might want to use toys made of rubber in sex such as anal toys or dildos. Other common fetishes include cross-dressing, water sports (sex involving urine), and feet.
Power exchange relationships are ones in which one person is dominant and the other person is submissive. These relationships can be very complex. There are power dynamics in all relationships. In these relationships, the dynamic is exaggerated. These are consensual relationships and usually involve significant negotiation to decide how much power each person will have.
For example, in some Master/slave relationships there is a total power exchange which means the Master has the option to control every aspect of the slave’s life. In other power exchange relationships the dynamic exists only in the bedroom. Power exchange relationships usually involve various types of service. These relationships can contain BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadomasochism) or not.
People who enjoy BDSM can enjoy bondage, rules and discipline and rituals and sadomasochism. Masochists gain pleasure from some painful activities like spanking, nipple clamps, flogging. Some enjoy extreme play including needles, knives, play involving fire. Sadists enjoy giving out the pain and enjoy that their partners will accept pain to please them.
I am a good person to explore polyamory, kink, power exchange (BDSM) with if:
- You are concerned about a fetish or kink you desire or have been practicing
- You are interested in broadening your sexual menu to include kink, BDSM, power exchange, authority transfer
- You want to find a way to tell your partner about kink, BDSM or power exchange and have been worried about their reaction
- You and your partner want to explore kink, BDSM, power exchange authority transfer in your relationship
- You and your partner are want to learn to communicate and negotiate around kink, BDSM, power exchange, authority transfer
- Your partner is kinky and you want to learn about this
- Your partner is kinky and you are not and you still want to be in a relationship
- You want to explore other issues with a coach and therapist who will not insist that kink, BDSM or power exchange are the ‘real’ problem
- You are non-monogamous but your partner is monogamous and you still want to have a relationship.
- You want to explore non-monogamy as an individual or part of a couple.
- You want help creating non-monogamous relationship(s) that work
Individual coaching: For full details go here
Couples coaching: For full details go here
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