I was talking with my sister, Mrs. Blue Frost, about how important it is to know what you bring to the table in a relationship, whether it’s monogamous, you’re part of a triad, you’re in a poly dynamic, or you’re grown folkin’. Frost shared that she is continually examining and refining her personal foundation, her guiding principles. We agree that a large part of being successful in a relationship is getting clarity around your own foundation first and then building a relationship foundation with other partners. 

You might be saying, “That’s great, Dr. Lori Beth. But *how* do I get started?”

I recommend journaling. I know there are all types and sorts of journals and just as many journaling methods. But one really stands out for me, especially when we are talking about building a relationship with yourself. 

Manifestation Journaling is when you keep a journal with the intent to bring into your life the relationships, situations, people, and feelings that you are writing about.  

I find manifestation journaling to be extremely effective because:

  • It allows you to clarify your intentions.
  • It aligns you with your intentions by bringing your energy to the type/vibration that matches your desires.
  • It helps you to take intentional acts to attract your desires.
  • It works with the laws of attraction so that you attract what you desire
  • It helps you to move away from negative thoughts, beliefs, feelings and into the positive intentional ones that allow for manifestation.

Are you ready?

First, start by setting the environment so that it’s easier to settle into your practice. Clear a comfortable space, turn off electronics and those dreadful notifications, and silence any noise that will distract you. 

Second, grab a journal you find pleasing. I have to confess that I’m particularly fond of the WTF Journals. They are well-made, feel good in my hands, are easy to write in and funny AF*. 

Next, spend a few minutes on being present (mindfulness done by bringing attention to sensory experiences in the environment). Notice specific sights, sounds, smells, touch until the environment seems brighter and you feel settled and ready to write. Need to settle down a bit and refocus? I like to take some deep, cleansing breaths to rid myself of whatever I no longer need.

Now, allow yourself to write whatever comes without censoring. I know! I snuck in a hard bit here. When journaling, the negative thoughts, concerns, worries often come out on paper first as they are at the forefront of your mind. I advise having some separate paper where you can jot and then discard them.

Begin with a gratitude practice. Write down all the things you are presently grateful for. Then, describe your intentions as if you have already succeeded/manifested them. Be as detailed as possible about how you feel, what you are thinking, any sensory information, and outcomes.

Congratulations! You’ve made your first entry into your manifestation journal.

I like to set aside 10 minutes a day for journaling. Manifesting is a process.

Getting stuck

I get it. Sometimes you just aren’t feeling it or negative self-talk is getting in the way. Never fear. I have some great journal prompts for you below.

One of my favorites is to go through all the domains of my life, starting with myself.

  • How do I look when I am the best me that I can envision?
  • How do I sound when I am the best me that I can envision?
  • How do I feel when I am the best me that I can envision?

Then I move to intimate relationships.

  • Who is my ideal partner (or partners)? I describe them in minute detail!  
  • What type of relationship suits me best? (Consider alternate styles like non-monogamy, living on your own, or living with a partner in their home.)
  • What does my ideal sex life look like?  Again, be detailed.

When you keep up with this practice, you can expect your life to begin to change to match what you are intending. If you are still manifesting things that are contrary to your intentions, look at your thoughts, your behaviours and make sure they are in line with your intentions.  Make sure you have broken down your intentions so that they are really clear and watch for changesJ

Dr Lori Beth Bisbey

Dr Lori Beth Bisbey

Dr Lori Beth Bisbey is a clinical psychologist and sex and intimacy coach. For over thirty years, she has helped people explore their sexuality, uncover deep sexual desires, heal from past trauma, & discover what it really means to have great sex. Her goal is to help her clients create and maintain meaningful relationships that contain sizzling sex (without shame). She welcomes all genders, sexualities, ethnicities, & races into her safe space. Dr Bisbey believes everyone has the right to safely and confidently explore, express, and experiment with what arouses, excites, and frees them. She seeks to empower her clients on their journey to claiming their ideal relationship(s).

BDSM
Dr Lori Beth

Create Your Ideal Relationship(s)

I was talking with my sister, Mrs. Blue Frost, about how important it is to know what you bring to the table in a relationship, whether it’s monogamous, you’re part

Read More »
>