For most kinky sex and BDSM beginning bottoms, pain is not an instant turn on. You may have read plenty of articles waxing lyrical about how hot pain is and how many stratospheric orgasms you can have if the beating is just right… but the first time that hand, paddle or flogger comes down on your ass all you feel is ‘ouch’. Most of the time, no one teaches you about turning pain into pleasure. Consequently, the fear of the ouch, causes many people rule any pain out.
Jane was one of those people. She started by saying ‘I don’t do pain’ and told the tops she was playing with and the dominants she was starting relationships this each time. Because she was a submissive, she was willing to take some pain and discomfort in order to please her dominant. Then she met Aaron. Aaron was a tall drink of water, about 6 foot 2 and slender. He had a rich deep voice and soulful brown eyes with long lashes. She thought she would do anything to listen to him for a bit longer. Aaron and Jane agreed to use ‘red’ as a safeword. But he asked Jane to trust him and use ‘yellow’ to tell him that she was close to calling telling him it was too much and give him a chance to push her a bit more. They negotiated a spanking. Jane had never managed to last more than a couple of minutes in a spanking before calling safe. Aaron started slow, with lighter spanks all over her bottom. Jane felt her body heating up. She was turned on already.
Aaron knew the first rule of turning pain into pleasure: Start slow.
Starting slowly to give your body time to warm up and then to heat up. As you get excited, your body will begin to release all the chemicals that make you sing. If you are a bit frightened, your body will release some adrenalin too which will add to the intensity. Once Aaron could see that Jane was enjoying herself, he increased the intensity of his spanks but not the speed. Now the pain began to bite in just a bit.
Aaron talked Jane through the bite with the second rule of turning pain into pleasure: Breathe into the pain.
Pulling away from pain intensifies the negative sensation. Breathing into it allows it to wash over you and transform. This can take some practice. Most of the time people hold their breath when something painful is going on. Unfortunately, all this does is intensify the pain and make the experience longer. Deep breathing helps you to relax your muscles. Deep breathing doesn’t make the pain go away, it changes the way we perceive pain which is how we can change pain into pleasure. Deep breathing techniques can be found in many places. Here’s one that I like which is combined with meditation and mindfulness. Practicing these techniques when you are not experiencing pain will help you use them when you are experiencing pain.
Aaron began to spank Jane harder and focused on the ‘sweet spot’ lifting her bottom up with each spank. This brought into play the third rule: Focus on the places where there is already likely to be a mix of nerve signals for pleasure and pain. The sweet spot is the bottom of the bum rolling into the top of the thigh. The pain and pleasure signals here can become more easily crossed. To Jane’s surprise, her heat had increased. The theory is that this area is fed by the same nerve group that feeds the genitals and this is why the sensations mix more easily.
Aaron ran his hands all over her body, stroking her nipples, lightly using his nails. This is the fourth rule to turn ouch into ooooo: Vary the touch to include arousing sensual touch. Varying the strokes during a spanking or a beating will quickly increase the level of arousal. The higher the level of arousal the more quickly ouch moves to ooo.
Aaron pressed into Jane and she could feel his erection. She let out a deep moan. He whispered in her ear ’Take 10 more for me and we will count them. The last 5 will be the hardest’. Jane agreed and got ready to count.
The fifth rule of moving ouch to ooo: Prepare the person for the ‘worst’ of the pain and let them know how much more they need to bear. By doing this, the bottom feels a great sense of accomplishment when they make it to the end of the spanking. By this point, endorphins should be flooding their bodies making the ouch feel delicious.
A few more tips for turning pain into pleasure:
Rhythm is important: Pain is easier to manage when there is a good rhythm. When strikes are haphazard and the person receiving the strikes cannot sink into a rhythm, it is harder to manage the pain and the pain can feel more intense.
Pain perception changes depending on the day. Our pain perception changes as our emotions do. Some days physical pain is more intense than others. Women who have their pubic hair waxed can attest to this – just before a period pain can increase intensely. Emotional stress can also change pain perception.
Pain perception is different depending upon the body part.
Anyone who has tattoos knows this is true. Pain is more intense in areas of the body with more nerve endings.
Most people find certain types of pain easier than others. Thud feels really different from sting and most people have at least a minor preference. Trying out different types of pain will help you to determine what works best for you.
Jane’s relationship with Aaron only lasted a few months but those few months changed her life. Now when a new partner asks her if she enjoys pain, Jane purrs ‘yessss’.
Any questions for your relationship about keys for turning pain into pleasure? Email me firstname.lastname@example.org. Check out all of the fantastic articles on this blogfest #kinkysextips https://vivayourrevolution.com/kinky-sex-tips-blogfest17/